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Commentary on a Sample Cold War Essay Written By A Student

 

Although, students write essays on cold war with great ease but their cold war essays fall short of the standards. The reason that their cold war essay fall short of the standards is a few mistakes that the students usually make regarding the essays. Here is a short sample essay on cold war written by a student with some comments that will let you identify the mistakes that students frequently commit in a cold war essay:

 

Sample Cold War Essay Written by a Student

 

“In the closing months of the Second World War, it became apparent that in the future there would be an even greater threat to not only survival of capitalist and socialist states alike, but also to man kind itself. This growing conflict that became known as the Cold War not only threatened the survival of two polar ideologies but the world itself was ironically fought by two nations that did not even command half the world’s population. These two world superpowers were none other than The United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (i.e. the U.S. and Soviet Union). Though many historians such as John Gaddis and Thomas Paterson argue over which nation instigated the Cold War, many actions made by the Soviet Union to what they perceived to be an American threat were over-reactions that led to a chain of events that threatened the very existence of man. America’s reactions to these distinct Soviet threats were not only warranted, but were just and necessary to prevent the spread of a totalitarian government whose tremendous potential was great enough to not only threaten America but the world as well.”

 

Comments

 

  • You can see that the essay written by the student has TYPO error. Here is the error:”The student should have written “Mankind” instead of “Man Kind”.
  • There are many sentences in essay that exceeds the word count of “35”. You should remember that minimum word count for the sentence is “8” while the maximum word count is “35”.
  • You should remember that the use of active voice in a sentence dominates the passive voice, so, you should ensure to make use of the active voice.

 

Sample Opening Paragraph written by the student

 

I believe that the cold war was a big mistake. There for making any of the same mistakes will be crucial for our growing country. The cold war was a big mistake. 20 million people died over a stupid mistake. You should go around doing any thing to repeat the history of the history before us.

 

Comments:

 

  • The opening sentence written by the student does not sound catch and won’t work a bit to serve your thesis statement.
  • The repetition of words in essay is one of the biggest mistakes that this opening paragraph follows in great numbers.
  • The argument should be very strong to support the introductory sentence; however, the paragraph lacks this.

 

In a nut shell, there are some common grammatical, typographical or repetition mistakes that students frequently make in a cold war essay. To avoid this, the students should proofread their cold war essays at least 2 or 3 times.

 

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